Short Funny Stories For All Ages

[masumeh]

Ad In The Paper


This is a very funny story about an old lady whose husband died and she want to put an ad in
the paper about his funeral.
Story Begins:
The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. A woman on the
other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?"
"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.
"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."
"Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got
your pencil and paper?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "

[masumeh]

Wrong Email

A Short Funny Story
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused,
sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Read this short funny story

An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was
on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his
hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he
missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose
husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email,
she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

[masumeh]

BUS 54 Funny Story


A blonde was visiting Washington,
DC for the first time. She wanted to
see the Capitol building.
Unfortunately, she couldn't find it,
so she asked a police officer for
directions.
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to
the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at
this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there." She
thanked the officer and he drives
off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the
same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting
at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and
said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I
said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three
hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be
long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

[masumeh]

The Donkey in the well

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided since the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. So, the
farmer invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all
grabbed shovels, and began to shovel dirt into the well.
All the other farm animals were very upset about this, because the
donkey was their friend. But they discovered there was nothing they
could do to help him. At first, when the donkey realized what was
happening, he cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he
quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down
the well, and was astonished at what he saw.
With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing
something amazing. He would shake it off, and take a step up on the
dirt as it piled up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on
top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,
everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the
well, and trotted off!
donkey in the well

MORAL: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. But each
trouble can be a stepping stone. What happens to you isn't nearly as
important as how you react to it. We can get out of the deepest wells
just by not giving up!
Shake it off, and take a step up!

[masumeh]

A Letter To God

Funny story about a an old lady
who has no money

A man worked in a post
office. His job was to
process all mail that had
illegible addresses. One day
a letter came to his desk,
addressed in shaky
handwriting to God. He
thought, "I better open
this one and see what it's
all about." So he opened it
and it read: "Dear God, I
am a 83 year old widow
living on a very small
pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse. It
had a hundred dollars in it which was all the
money I had until my next pension check."
"Next Sunday is Mother's Day, and I had
invited my last two friends over for dinner.
Without that money, I have nothing to buy
food with." "I have no family to turn to, and
you are my only hope. Can you please help
me?" The postal worker was touched, and went
around showing the letter to all the others.
Each of them dug into his wallet and came up
with a few dollars. By the time he made the
rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which
they put into an envelope and sent over to
her.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Mother's Day came and went, and a few days
later came another letter from the old lady to
God. All the workers gathered around while
the letter was opened. It read, "Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you
did for me?" "Because of your generosity, I
was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends.
We had a very nice day, and I told my friends
of your wonderful gift. " "By the way, there
was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those
thieving bastards at the post office!!!!!!

[masumeh]

Salary Increase

One day an employee sends a letter to his
boss to increase his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
n thi$ life, we all need
$ome thing mo$t
de$perately. I think you
$hould be under$tanding of
the need$ of u$ worker$
who have given $o much
$upport including $weat
and $ervice to your
company.
I am $ure you will gue$$
what I mean and re$pond
$oon
Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh
The next day, the employee received this
letter of reply:
Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard.
NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You
must have NOticed that our company is NOt
doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s
leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United
States may go into aNOther recession. After
the NOvember presidential elections things
may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw
what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager

[masumeh]

Why We Live as Long
as We Do...

Author Unknown

On the first day God created the cow. God
said, "You must go to the field with the farmer
all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the farmer I
will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you
want me to live for sixty years. Let me have
twenty years and I'll give back the other
forty."
And God agreed.
On the second day, God created the dog. God
said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and
bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I
will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking.
Give me ten years and I'll give back the other
ten."
So God agreed (sigh).
On the third day God created the monkey.
God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks,
make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year
life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks
for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave
you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said,
"Eat, sleep, play. Do nothing, just enjoy,
enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way!
Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the
forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave
back and the ten monkey gave back. That
makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
So this is why for the first twenty years we
eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing;
for the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family;
for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain our grandchildren;
and for the last ten years we sit in front of the
house and bark at everybody.

[masumeh]

Lawyers and Engineers

Three lawyers and three
engineers are traveling by
train to a conference. At
the station, each of the
three lawyers buys a ticket
while the three engineers
buy only one ticket.
“How can the three of you
travel on one ticket?” asks
a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,”
answers an engineer.
Aboard the train the
lawyers take their respective seats while all
three engineers cram into the restroom and
squeeze the door closed behind them.
When the conductor comes around collecting
tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and
says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens a crack
and a single arm emerges with a ticket in
hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers are impressed with this clever
idea. One the way home from the conference,
they decide to copy the engineers’ technique.
At the station, they buy a single ticket for their
return trip. To their astonishment, the
engineers don’t buy a ticket at all!
“How in the hell are you going to pull this off?”
asks a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
They board the train. The three lawyers cram
into one restroom and the three engineers
cram into the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs, one of the
engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on
the other restroom door. “Ticket, please!”


Source: inspireme.net

[masumeh]

The sick child and his mother

The Sick child and his mother
short funny story
A child came crying
to his mother and
complained that he
has severe
stomach-ache. She
told him, “It is
because your belly is
empty. Come and
have some food.” The
child obeyed.
The next day the
mother had a heavy
head ache. The child
consoled her, saying innocently,
“Mommy, it is because your head is
empty!”
On another occasion, the curious
child asked his mother, “Mommy,
why are some of your hairs turning
grey?” She tried to use this
occasion to reform him. “It is
because of you, dear. Every bad
action of yours will turn one of my
hairs grey!” The child replied
innocently, “Now I know why your
mother has only grey hairs on her
head.”

[masumeh]

Missing Husband

A lady went to the police station to file a
report for her missing Husband
:
Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height?
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes?
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair?
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearin?g
Lady: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a
golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue
eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail
is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a
golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non
veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And
the lady started crying…..
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!!

[masumeh]

The Old Farmer

An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years, he had a huge
man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area, For years it was
the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer
grew older, his "Oasis" was used less and less.
It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors
occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an
appearance.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, he hadn't
been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things.
As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and
laughing.
As he came closer he was astonished to see that a bunch of young
women had decided to skinny dip in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the
deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
or make you get out of the pond, I'm here to feed the alligator."

[masumeh]

The Magical Tree

There was once a weary traveler who sat down to rest in the shade of a tree. He did not know
that the tree he rested upon was a magic tree. It is called " The Wish-Granting Tree.
Seated on the hard ground, he thought how pleasant it would be if he can sleep in a soft bed.
Instantly, a bed appeared before him. Astonished, the man immediately climbed onto the bed.
Then, he thought that it would be nice if there would be a beautiful young girl beside him who
would massage his sore legs. At that moment, a young girl appeared before him and began
massaging him.
"I'm so hungry," the man said to himself. "Having something to eat now would be a great
pleasure." Instantly, a table appeared with delicious foods. The man rejoiced and began eating
and drinking to his heart's content. His head spun a little and his eyelids grew heavy as the
wine took effect. He stretched himself and was thinking about the wonderful events that took
place on that extraordinary day. "I'll sleep for an hour or two," he thought. "The worst that could
happen would be if a tiger wandered by while I'm asleep." Instantly a tiger appeared and
devoured the poor man.
End of the story...
Moral of the Story
You have a magic tree inside you, waiting to grant your wishes. But be careful! The same tree
can also make your negative thoughts and fears come true.
At the very least it will be influenced by your negative thoughts, so that the good things you
wish for do not happen. That's what worrying can do. I wish with all my heart that you live a life
free of worry, negative thoughts and fear, in the shade and comfort of your personal
Wish-Granting Tree
- Author Unknown