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Short Funny Stories For All Ages

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  • Short Funny Stories For All Ages

    Ad In The Paper


    This is a very funny story about an old lady whose husband died and she want to put an ad in
    the paper about his funeral.
    Story Begins:
    The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. A woman on the
    other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?"
    "$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.
    "Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"
    "Yes, Ma'am."
    "OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'"
    "I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."
    "Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got
    your pencil and paper?"
    "Yes, Ma'am."
    "OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "
    کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

  • #2
    Wrong Email

    A Short Funny Story
    It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused,
    sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Read this short funny story

    An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was
    on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his
    hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he
    missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose
    husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email,
    she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
    At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
    Dearest Wife,
    Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
    P.S. Sure is hot down here.
    کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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    • #3
      BUS 54 Funny Story


      A blonde was visiting Washington,
      DC for the first time. She wanted to
      see the Capitol building.
      Unfortunately, she couldn't find it,
      so she asked a police officer for
      directions.
      "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to
      the Capitol building?"
      The officer replied, "Wait here at
      this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
      It'll take you right there." She
      thanked the officer and he drives
      off.
      Three hours later the police officer returned to the
      same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting
      at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and
      said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I
      said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three
      hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
      The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be
      long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
      کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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      • #4
        The Donkey in the well

        One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
        piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
        Finally he decided since the animal was old, and the well needed to be
        covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. So, the
        farmer invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all
        grabbed shovels, and began to shovel dirt into the well.
        All the other farm animals were very upset about this, because the
        donkey was their friend. But they discovered there was nothing they
        could do to help him. At first, when the donkey realized what was
        happening, he cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he
        quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down
        the well, and was astonished at what he saw.
        With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing
        something amazing. He would shake it off, and take a step up on the
        dirt as it piled up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on
        top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,
        everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the
        well, and trotted off!
        donkey in the well

        MORAL: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. But each
        trouble can be a stepping stone. What happens to you isn't nearly as
        important as how you react to it. We can get out of the deepest wells
        just by not giving up!
        Shake it off, and take a step up!
        کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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        • #5
          A Letter To God

          Funny story about a an old lady
          who has no money

          A man worked in a post
          office. His job was to
          process all mail that had
          illegible addresses. One day
          a letter came to his desk,
          addressed in shaky
          handwriting to God. He
          thought, "I better open
          this one and see what it's
          all about." So he opened it
          and it read: "Dear God, I
          am a 83 year old widow
          living on a very small
          pension. Yesterday
          someone stole my purse. It
          had a hundred dollars in it which was all the
          money I had until my next pension check."
          "Next Sunday is Mother's Day, and I had
          invited my last two friends over for dinner.
          Without that money, I have nothing to buy
          food with." "I have no family to turn to, and
          you are my only hope. Can you please help
          me?" The postal worker was touched, and went
          around showing the letter to all the others.
          Each of them dug into his wallet and came up
          with a few dollars. By the time he made the
          rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which
          they put into an envelope and sent over to
          her.
          The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
          glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
          Mother's Day came and went, and a few days
          later came another letter from the old lady to
          God. All the workers gathered around while
          the letter was opened. It read, "Dear God,
          How can I ever thank you enough for what you
          did for me?" "Because of your generosity, I
          was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends.
          We had a very nice day, and I told my friends
          of your wonderful gift. " "By the way, there
          was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those
          thieving bastards at the post office!!!!!!
          کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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          • #6
            Salary Increase

            One day an employee sends a letter to his
            boss to increase his salary!!!
            Dear Bo$$
            n thi$ life, we all need
            $ome thing mo$t
            de$perately. I think you
            $hould be under$tanding of
            the need$ of u$ worker$
            who have given $o much
            $upport including $weat
            and $ervice to your
            company.
            I am $ure you will gue$$
            what I mean and re$pond
            $oon
            Your$ $incerely,
            Norman $oh
            The next day, the employee received this
            letter of reply:
            Dear NOrman,
            I kNOw you have been working very hard.
            NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You
            must have NOticed that our company is NOt
            doing NOticeably well as yet.
            NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s
            leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United
            States may go into aNOther recession. After
            the NOvember presidential elections things
            may turn bad.
            I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw
            what I mean.
            Yours truly,
            Manager
            کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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            • #7
              Why We Live as Long
              as We Do...

              Author Unknown

              On the first day God created the cow. God
              said, "You must go to the field with the farmer
              all day long and suffer under the sun, have
              calves and give milk to support the farmer I
              will give you a life span of sixty years."
              The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you
              want me to live for sixty years. Let me have
              twenty years and I'll give back the other
              forty."
              And God agreed.
              On the second day, God created the dog. God
              said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and
              bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I
              will give you a life span of twenty years."
              The dog said, "That's too long to be barking.
              Give me ten years and I'll give back the other
              ten."
              So God agreed (sigh).
              On the third day God created the monkey.
              God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks,
              make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year
              life span."
              The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks
              for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave
              you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
              And God agreed again.
              On the fourth day God created man. God said,
              "Eat, sleep, play. Do nothing, just enjoy,
              enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."
              Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way!
              Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the
              forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave
              back and the ten monkey gave back. That
              makes eighty, okay?"
              "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
              So this is why for the first twenty years we
              eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing;
              for the next forty years we slave in the sun to
              support our family;
              for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
              entertain our grandchildren;
              and for the last ten years we sit in front of the
              house and bark at everybody.
              کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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              • #8
                Lawyers and Engineers

                Three lawyers and three
                engineers are traveling by
                train to a conference. At
                the station, each of the
                three lawyers buys a ticket
                while the three engineers
                buy only one ticket.
                “How can the three of you
                travel on one ticket?” asks
                a lawyer.
                “Watch and you’ll see,”
                answers an engineer.
                Aboard the train the
                lawyers take their respective seats while all
                three engineers cram into the restroom and
                squeeze the door closed behind them.
                When the conductor comes around collecting
                tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and
                says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens a crack
                and a single arm emerges with a ticket in
                hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
                The lawyers are impressed with this clever
                idea. One the way home from the conference,
                they decide to copy the engineers’ technique.
                At the station, they buy a single ticket for their
                return trip. To their astonishment, the
                engineers don’t buy a ticket at all!
                “How in the hell are you going to pull this off?”
                asks a lawyer.
                “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
                They board the train. The three lawyers cram
                into one restroom and the three engineers
                cram into the other restroom.
                Shortly after the train departs, one of the
                engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on
                the other restroom door. “Ticket, please!”


                Source: inspireme.net
                کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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                • #9
                  The sick child and his mother

                  The Sick child and his mother
                  short funny story
                  A child came crying
                  to his mother and
                  complained that he
                  has severe
                  stomach-ache. She
                  told him, “It is
                  because your belly is
                  empty. Come and
                  have some food.” The
                  child obeyed.
                  The next day the
                  mother had a heavy
                  head ache. The child
                  consoled her, saying innocently,
                  “Mommy, it is because your head is
                  empty!”
                  On another occasion, the curious
                  child asked his mother, “Mommy,
                  why are some of your hairs turning
                  grey?” She tried to use this
                  occasion to reform him. “It is
                  because of you, dear. Every bad
                  action of yours will turn one of my
                  hairs grey!” The child replied
                  innocently, “Now I know why your
                  mother has only grey hairs on her
                  head.”
                  کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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                  • #10
                    Missing Husband

                    A lady went to the police station to file a
                    report for her missing Husband
                    :
                    Lady: I lost my Husband
                    Inspector: What is his height?
                    Lady: I never noticed
                    Inspector: Slim or healthy?
                    Lady: Not slim can be healthy
                    Inspector: Colour of eyes?
                    Lady: Never noticed
                    Inspector: Colour of hair?
                    Lady: Changes according to season
                    Inspector: What was he wearin?g
                    Lady: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
                    Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
                    Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a
                    golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue
                    eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail
                    is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a
                    golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non
                    veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And
                    the lady started crying…..
                    Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!!
                    کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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                    • #11
                      The Old Farmer

                      An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years, he had a huge
                      man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area, For years it was
                      the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer
                      grew older, his "Oasis" was used less and less.
                      It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors
                      occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an
                      appearance.
                      One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, he hadn't
                      been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things.
                      As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and
                      laughing.
                      As he came closer he was astonished to see that a bunch of young
                      women had decided to skinny dip in his pond.
                      He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the
                      deep end of the pond.
                      One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
                      leave!"
                      The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
                      or make you get out of the pond, I'm here to feed the alligator."
                      کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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                      • #12
                        The Magical Tree

                        There was once a weary traveler who sat down to rest in the shade of a tree. He did not know
                        that the tree he rested upon was a magic tree. It is called " The Wish-Granting Tree.
                        Seated on the hard ground, he thought how pleasant it would be if he can sleep in a soft bed.
                        Instantly, a bed appeared before him. Astonished, the man immediately climbed onto the bed.
                        Then, he thought that it would be nice if there would be a beautiful young girl beside him who
                        would massage his sore legs. At that moment, a young girl appeared before him and began
                        massaging him.
                        "I'm so hungry," the man said to himself. "Having something to eat now would be a great
                        pleasure." Instantly, a table appeared with delicious foods. The man rejoiced and began eating
                        and drinking to his heart's content. His head spun a little and his eyelids grew heavy as the
                        wine took effect. He stretched himself and was thinking about the wonderful events that took
                        place on that extraordinary day. "I'll sleep for an hour or two," he thought. "The worst that could
                        happen would be if a tiger wandered by while I'm asleep." Instantly a tiger appeared and
                        devoured the poor man.
                        End of the story...
                        Moral of the Story
                        You have a magic tree inside you, waiting to grant your wishes. But be careful! The same tree
                        can also make your negative thoughts and fears come true.
                        At the very least it will be influenced by your negative thoughts, so that the good things you
                        wish for do not happen. That's what worrying can do. I wish with all my heart that you live a life
                        free of worry, negative thoughts and fear, in the shade and comfort of your personal
                        Wish-Granting Tree
                        - Author Unknown
                        کاغذ سفید را هر چقدر هم زیبا و تمیز باشد کسی قاب نمیگیرد...برای ماندگاری در ذهن ها باید حرفی برای گفتن داشت!!!

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